I Don’t Even Try, It’s All Natural

Hey guys! Welcome back to yet another blog post about my wonderful and exciting existence.

Lately, I’ve been posting just fun articles about my life, not only because they’re easy to  write, but they also tend to bring in more viewers. Why? Well, because y’all are nosy. That’s okay though. I am too.

I’d like to think that I mostly nose around to get to know people and build relationships, but part of me is lying. Sometimes, my life is boring and other people’s non-boring lives give me life.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just weird. I have flaws too, okay.

Speaking of flaws, I thought I would share some of the most embarrassing moments of my life with you for this blog, just to show that I am human and I do mess up. Hopefully, we can all come together after these and relate to one another in our awkward experiences of life.

If not, then that’s cool I guess.

Now, something to understand is that every day of my life are small moments of awkwardness that aren’t a big deal. Just normal things, nothing too weird.  I don’t take myself seriously and I’m constantly laughing, so that probably helps.

Completely opposite from those moments are these 5 greatest but more worst moments of my life. Granted, in all of these situations I was younger and more naive than I am now, plus I cared way too much what people thought of me. And yet, a part of me still cringes at the feeling of actually being apart of these weird moments.

I’ll start this list from least to greatest moment, so that there’s a better chance that’ll you read them all. Sneaky move, Jordan. I know right.

1. Athletic and Pathetic

My freshman year of college, I was at a practice for my freshman year of college as a second string goalie. While waiting my turn for the drill by the net, my job was to retrieve all the balls. Most of them were in the net, so I didn’t wander far.

The process of retrieving a ball in the net is simple. All you have to do is life the net and push the ball backwards with the heel of your cleat.

Well, somehow my foot got caught in the net without me noticing. So I turned around to face the field and I did this weird twist fall mid turn. By the time I was close to the ground, my body had turned full frontal and my brain didn’t even register a ball directly hitting me in the face until after I was completely flat on the turf.

It didn’t even hurt that bad. The fall was just so awkward that I just tried to figure out what actually happened.You’d think after five or six years of being goalie I could walk out of a net without falling.

I’m pretty sure everyone was questioning my contribution to the team from then on.

2. Flashing The Team

Just a disclaimer for this one, I was in middle school when this happened. Oh, middle school. What a magical place.

I had joined the swim team, which in itself should be an embarrassing moment because I looked like a complete noob with a swim cap. It was just unflattering. My parents didn’t even take pictures. That’s when you know it’s bad.

Continuing on, everyone wore Speedo swimsuits that usually suctioned to your body while swimming. This helped to make it easier to swim.

One day I lost my swimsuit, so my dad found me this ugly grandma-type bathing suit to swim in, skirt and all. This swimsuit was a little loose, and I realized five minutes into practice that the force of the water made my bathing suit fall off even more, allowing everyone to get a peak at my boobs underwater.

Luckily at that age, I didn’t have much to see, but it’s still one of those moments where I question just how stupid I was in middle school.

3. The Unexpected Prayer

This was my freshman year of high school. The hallways were pretty crowded every morning, especially at this one area where all five hallways intersected.

So I’m walking down the stairs with all my books stacked in my hands, because for some reason, students weren’t allowed to take their book bags to class. I never understood that rule.

I remember looking away from the last stair for a second, and that caused me to completely miss the step entirely. Trying to manage the books in my arms, I managed to awkwardly land on both knees in the middle of the intersection.

I looked like I was praying, since my brain doesn’t process awkward situations well. So rather than just getting up quickly and walking away, I knelt there weirdly looking up and registering people and their reactions.

Nothing against God, but praying in the middle of a busy intersection is a weird look.

I feel like everyone falls down a stair every now and then, but landing on my knees was a such an awkward way to fall and it still confuses me. Like, how did this happen? It’s not like my reflexes are slow. I played soccer in high school.

Honestly, I just expected more from myself.

3. Egg-cellent Job Jordan

This one happened more recently, just last year my sophomore year. A couple guys met up with my friend group and were throwing ranch balloons and/or eggs at one another in the neighborhood. We liked to prank people.

Moments later, I had this one guy completely cornered.He had one egg while I had this softball sized balloon of ranch, and I threw mine thinking I’ve played softball in the past, my accuracy should be good.

So I throw it hard, and it doesn’t even come close to this guy. I’m pretty sure it landed in a tree like 30 yards away from him.

I definitely paid the price for this when he hit me with the greatest accuracy ever in the back of my neck with his egg. I’ll admit, I deserved that.

5. Bus Rides For Life

Lastly, my final and most horrifying awkward moment, the moment we have all been waiting for, happened on a school bus my junior year of high school. The night before, everyone’s clock had sprung forward and my 6 a.m bus ride was pitch black.

Sleeping on the bus was common for a 30 minute bus ride, so all I did was put backpack down on the seat and use it as a pillow. Pretty normal on the bus.

The next stop, this greasy, weird kid got on and didn’t even look to see me in the seat. He just sat down, book bag facing the window, on top of me.

I’m pretty sure he was there for a solid 30 seconds without realizing. So bad, my neighbor spoke up for me.”Dude, could you get off of her?” Of course I didn’t say anything since it took me a while to realize that this awkward situation was actually occurring.

The kid didn’t even say sorry! He just moved to another seat and fell asleep. And let me tell you, no one sat on him!

Thanks guys for reading my awkward moments! Hopefully we shared a moment, although I’m pretty sure I’m alone on all of these.

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